What Type of Neighbor Are You?

Let me start by asking you a tough question this morning. How many of you are struggling with this series on the “Art of Being a Good Neighbor”? I think if we are truly honest here, many of us in this room are struggling with the series. Why? We must leave our comfort zone. That is hard to do.

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Good morning and welcome to Brewster Baptist Church.  My name is David Pranga and I am one of the pastors on staff.  Pastor Doug and Jill are away at the American Baptist Conference in Virginia.  Doug won’t be back into the office until Wednesday.  Save your emails and phone calls until Wednesday.

This month, we are in our series titled, “The Art of Neighboring.”  Each week, we are looking at one aspect of how we can be a good neighbor to the people in our neighborhood.

Just as our children finished up school this past week, I thought I would review the past few weeks.

Week 1 – Doug spoke on “The Art of Neighboring”

Story:  The story Doug used was the “Good Samaritan.”   We talked about, “Who is our neighbor.”  We learned that our neighbors are the people we come across every day.  The people that live in our neighborhood, people at work, and people you run into.

Activity (some may say homework):  We receive a “Tic-Tac-Toe Board.”  The assignment was to get to know the neighbors around you.  You were asked three questions:

(1) Name your neighbors.

(2) Contact Information.

(3) Something you learned about them.

Week 2 – Doug spoke on “Who Are You Hanging Out With?”

Story:  What was the story?  The story was Jesus hanging out with a man named Levi.  Levi was tax collector.  People back in the day despised tax collects.  People did not want to be seen hanging out with tax collectors.  Yet, where was Jesus?  Jesus was hanging out with Levi, a tax collector.  Jesus invited Levi to follow him.  We see that Levi throws a party for his friends (other tax collectors) and invited Jesus to attended.

Pastor Doug’s Challenge:  We need to hang out with our neighbors more.  We need to hang out with people that are different from us.  Pastor Doug challenged us to throw a Levi party.  Have a party for the people in your neighborhood.  Get to know your neighbors.

Church:  Several of you have come up to the staff to say that you are having a Levi party.  For some, it was with two or three neighbors.  Another family was having the families over that meet at their bus stop.  I just say, great job.  Keep it up.  Let us or the staff know what you are doing.

Week 3 – Doug spoke on “Getting Out of the Salt Shaker”

Story:  The message reminded us that as Christians, we are the salt of the earth.  We need to get out of our comfort zone and be salty people to world.

Challenge:  We were given “salt packets.”  It was a reminder that we need to add flavor to the people around us.

How are you guys doing on the challenges?  I will have to say; those challenges are tough.  They are not easy to do.  Jesus calls us to be good neighbors.  The only way we can be good neighbors is to know who your neighbors are.

This morning, I want to show you my daughter, Hannah’s Tic Tac Toe Board.  She is only 8 years old.  She filled it out.  It’s a mixture of kids, adults and dogs in our neighborhood.  Don’t tell Doug, but she worked on it during his second week sermon.  But she did it to the best of her ability and in her own way.

Next:  David & Christy’s Tic-Tac-Toe Board.  I have a few open spots where I need to get to know my neighbors.  What I learned by this exercise, I need to spend more time learning who my neighbors are.  It requires more work and more time.  I want to encourage you to go to the information desk, pick up Tic-Tac-Toe Board and start getting to know the people in your neighborhood.  Spend some time getting to know them.

Let me start by asking you a tough question this morning.  How many of you are struggling with this series on the “Art of Being a Good Neighbor”?  I think if we are truly honest here, many of us in this room are struggling with the series.  Why?  We must leave our comfort zone.  That is hard to do.  In fact, I heard people offer excuses of why this is so difficult to do.

Excuses for not loving my neighbors.

  1. I don’t see much value in meeting my neighbors.
  • Making friendships with my neighbors is messy.
  • I like the slogan: “Good Fences Make the Best Neighbors.”
  • I don’t want to be strange or stand out.
  1. Lack of Time
  • My life is so busy. I don’t have time for another thing on my schedule.
  • I don’t have time to get to know another person.
  1. Fear
  • What am I going to say? I don’t have anything in common with them.  My neighbors have messy lives.  I am not sure I want to enter in.  I am not sure my neighbors want to know me either.
  1. Summer neighbors
  • They will all be gone in a few months.
  • I am not going to make a difference in their life.

Our attitude and excuses need to change.  I am not the person saying we need to be a good neighbor.  Or else, I would agree with you.  It’s Jesus that commands us that we need to Love Our Neighbor.

Stages of Friendships

Stranger

  • Prayer
  • Tic Tac Toe

Acquaintance

  • Saying high or wave
  • Have a Levi party

Relationship

  • Share a meal or dessert
  • Plan an Activity – Have Fun

Week 4 – “What type of neighbor are you?”

This morning, I am going to be talking about “What Type of Neighbor Are You?”  We are going to be looking at a very familiar passage.  When I read this passage to you, I want you to look at the passage with fresh eyes.  Pretend you are looking at it for the very first time.  I want you to think and ask yourself, what type of neighbor does each person represent in this story.

If you have your bibles, please turn to Luke 10:38-42.  It will also be shown in the screen behind me.  Once again, the scripture is from the book of Luke, chapter 10, verses 38-42.

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!’  ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

There are three main characters in this story.  Martha, Mary and Jesus.  Each of them has a role in being a good neighbor.  I want to say there is no perfect way to be a good neighbor.  In fact, you can see yourself in each of these roles at different times in your friendships with people.

The first person we are going to look at is Martha.  What do we learn about Martha and the type of neighbor she is to Jesus?  I want us to look at the text again.

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.”

The very first thing we learn about Martha is that she is the hostess of the house.  Being the hostess of the house is very big job.  I believe Martha probably cares a lot about how the house looks.  Whether it is clean or dirty.

I can image that Martha wanted to make sure there is enough food and drink for Jesus and the disciples.

In the very short verses that describe Martha, what is Martha’s neighboring style?  Martha would be classified in the category of “doer.”  She is busy doing things for her guests—Jesus and the disciples.  She wants her guests to feel loved and comfortable, but it comes by Martha doing things for her guests.  It is just a hunch, but I am betting that Martha is a better cook than her sister Mary.  In the book of John, we see in three different occasions that Martha is preparing and making food for Jesus and the disciples.  Each of those things, Jesus commented as good.  Being a good neighbor involves being a “doer.”  Do we have any Martha’s in this room?  I am much more comfortable being a doer.  Every one of us know of people who are more “doers.”  They simply enjoy doing things for people.  They enjoy helping and making sure everybody has their needs met.

What does that look like in our everyday life?  What does it look like to be a neighbor as “doer”?  As mentioned in the story, it can be being a hostess when you have friends and neighbors over.  It involves cleaning the house, preparing and cooking the meal, and meeting the needs of your guest.  We have a person in our church that exhibits those Martha attributes in caring for children.  People know that her gift is caring for children.  Parents often call her up asking for help.  She just simply says yes!  Just bring over your children.  I can watch them.  She watches the kids as parents go to work, go grocery shopping or run to doctor appointments.  I can tell you that is huge blessing to the parent.  To have a parent responsible and able to watch their kids is a true blessing.

Being a good neighbor is when a family is going through a difficult time or stressful situation.  I know when we had the birth of a new child, we had neighbors and church families that brought over food and meals for us.  This was a huge blessing.  Another stressful time in people’s life deals with sickness, hospital stays, and death.  Being a good neighbor is bringing over a meal or even giving the family a gift card to a restaurant.  I am telling you that families appreciate it very much.  Families do remember the people who help them out during difficult periods of times.

I often think of my parents as more of a “Martha.”  They are both doer-type of people.  They enjoy doing for someone who needs it.  If something needs to be done, they are always willing to help.  My parents live next door to a duplex with renters.  Typically, the renters are single moms with children.  My parents, who are retired, will spend the time to get to know their neighbors.  I have seen my parents help in fixing things for young moms.  My dad will let them borrow his tools and lawn mowers when theirs are either broken or they don’t have one.  My dad will often go over to help them fix things that are broken.  I have seen my dad build things for his neighbors as well.  My parents will let the kids ride their bikes on their driveway, because it is flat, and let the kids play basketball as well.

 

Martha was a typical “doer” in this story.  This is a very important role as a neighbor.  I think it is great to have neighbors that are “doers.”  It’s one type of being a neighbor that is helpful.  What I want you to see is that Martha is being a good neighbor.

Mary, the second character we are going to look at this morning in how to be a good neighbor is Martha’s sister.  Mary has a very different temperament and style of neighboring.  I want us to look at verse 39, “She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he (Jesus) said.”  What is Mary’s neighboring style?   The text says Mary just sits at the Lord’s feet.

Mary is all about the relationship.  Mary is a listener to Jesus.  Mary is listening to what Jesus is teaching and sharing.

What is so significant to be a good listener?  The person realizes you really care about them as a person.  You give them time and help make them feel comfortable and at ease.  This is the not first time Mary has taken this approach.  We see that when Mary and Jesus are together in Luke 10, John 11 and John 12.  In each case, Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to him and enjoying fellowship.  Mary is taking on the role of listener and learning more from Jesus.  I believe Mary has this compassionate gift.  She enjoys being with people.  She enjoys listening and caring for people.  Meeting their needs through relationship.  She is just being quiet before Jesus.

Do we have any Mary’s here in our congregation?  People who have the gift of compassion, being a good listener, and really caring for people deeply.  This is just another way of showing kindness to your neighbor.  What does this mean to be a good listener and care for people?  A few months ago, my wife Christy was walking the dog around the neighborhood.  It is a great way to get to know the neighbors on your street.  When you walk your dog sometimes you say hello and keep on walking.  Other times, you may chat for a few minutes.  On this day, Christy is out walking the dog.  She comes across one of our neighbors.  This neighbor just needed to talk.  She was going through a very tough situation.  This woman just started sharing with Christy that her husband/boyfriend was leaving her.  How he may take one or both dogs with him.  She went on to share about the relationship.  She was hurting as you can image.  She just needed a person who would listen.  What did Christy do in this situation?  She just listened to this woman share.  Christy gave her time to this woman.  By giving her time, she was showing value in the other person.  She was sympathetic and show loved.  Another time later, the same woman came up to Christy to share that one of her dogs had died.

Another example: In the afternoon, I pick my daughter up at the bus stop.  I have made it a point to get out of my car and stand by the stop sign where the kids are dropped off.  In the early days, sometimes people would roll down their windows, I would start small talk with them.  Then gradually, the two or three other parents would start to get out of their cars.   We would start having conversations at the bus stop waiting for the kids to get dropped off.  I find it amazing that when it’s just me and another parent, the conversation goes to another level.   They are more willing to share what is going on in their life:  work issues, family issues, in-law issues, and issues with their kids.  These parents so often just want someone to talk to about these issues.  They are just looking for someone to listen and not judge them.  What do I do?  I just listen.  I give them my time and just listen.  Sometimes I offer something from my history in dealing with the issue but often I just listen and ask questions.  It is through these meetings and sharing that our friendship has grown.

What type of neighbor is Mary?  One that gave of her time and listened.  She listened to the people and connected with them at a deeper level.  Being a good neighbor is simply giving people the opportunity to talk and be heard.

Let me ask you, do you give time to your neighbors?  Do you really listen to what they are saying?  Are you listening or are you wishing you can move on to the next thing?  We need to be more like Mary, which moves us on to the third main character in the story, which is Jesus.  As you may remember from the story, Martha is preparing a meal and she is getting upset at her sister.  Her sister Mary is at Jesus’ feet, listening to him share and teach.  Martha’s, attitude is changing towards her sister.  Martha would like Mary to help out.  Verse 40,

“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’  ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

All through Jesus’s life he is faced with questions from religious leaders, disciples and people who wanted to know more.  Once again Jesus is faced with a question.  This time it is by Martha.  Jesus cares deeply for Martha.  Jesus cared deeply for Mary as well.  Jesus understood that both were being neighborly in their own way.  Martha was a doer.  She was a hostess and she is preparing a meal.  She is getting everything done in the house.  Mary was at Jesus’ feet.  She is listening and cared deeply for Jesus.  She was giving her time and her attention to Jesus and the disciples.  Both are exhibiting good neighboring skills.

Jesus is faced with a question by Martha.  Jesus answered the question with love, grace and truth.  Jesus is saying, you are both doing good things.  But Mary has chosen better, and it will not be taken away from her.  Jesus must give truth.  Jesus also cared and loved both Martha and Mary.  Jesus cared about Martha.  Jesus recognized that Martha was showing love in her own way.  Jesus understood that Mary was offering love in her own temperament at well.  Yet, Jesus offers truth to both sisters.  Jesus understood that Martha’s attitude was wrong.  Mary was not doing anything wrong by sitting at Jesus’ feet.  Jesus recognized that and responded to Martha in truth.  Of course, this probably hurt Martha.

In being a good neighbor, sometimes we must model Jesus.  We have to offer love, grace and truth.  Sometimes in life, we will have friends that will want to know the truth.  They may not come to church.  But God is giving you the opportunity to speak truth to them.  But God wants you to do it in love and grace.  We must love the people we are with.  We have to offer love and grace to our friends.  But we also have to offer them the truth.  We must tell them the truth to the questions they may ask us.  Many times, offering truth to questions concerning Christianity can be difficult and tough.  Why?  Because we love the person.  We want our neighbors to like us and think well of us.  It can be hard to share something that goes against culture.

Story:  About 10 years ago, I was in shape.  This might be hard for you to imagine.  I was really in good physical shape.  I was running marathons, biking in road races of 100 miles or more, and swimming between 1 to 2 miles.  I was considered a devoted tri-athlete.  I joined a group called tri-athletes to help me get better.  The group was made up 10-20 men and women, who wanted to get better in their sport and have fellowship at the same time.  The people were very diverse.  For the most part they were not church-going folks.  Swearing and wild stories were the norm, which led to many interesting conversations about everything.  Then one day, somebody found out I was a pastor.  It came up on a run.  They were razzing me and wanted to know if it was true?  I said it was true.  Next question, why would anybody want to be a pastor?  I shared my testimony of when my faith in Jesus became important to me.  I shared how God led us from Wisconsin to Massachusetts.  From that moment on, I was referred to as Pastor or Pastor David.  Whenever we ran or biked from that moment on everyone knew, we have a pastor in the group.  The swearing and wild stories were far and few between.  In fact, I had a few people come back to me and apologize for what they had said in the past.  It really did not bother me.  I will say, by being in the group for five years, I was asked some very tough and difficult questions dealing with Christianity, the Catholic Church, why bad things happen to good people, death, heaven, and hell.  Also parenting issues and moral issues.  They did not hold back.  I was on their turf and they felt open to ask these questions.  They were not churching crowd.  It’s hard to share the “truth” with people you love and care about.  At the beginning, I would worry about what other people might think of my Christian views.  I knew it was the opposite of what they thought.  I shared Christian views with them.  They accepted what I had to say.  Sometime this led to some interesting talks after my answers.  Some time they could agree and often they could not.  I tried to speak in love, grace and truth.  Just as Jesus modeled to us.

To close, we met three characters, each with a different neighboring style.  Each one has a place for us in being a good neighbor.

Different Types of Neighbors

1st Martha – Doer / more task-oriented

2nd Mary – Listener; more relational

3rd Jesus – Spoke in Love, Grace and Truth

All are valuable in their own way.  We need to practice each of these.  Let us pray.

Blessings: “God give me eyes to see those who are hurting and heart to care.  Help me Lord to be the best neighbor I can.”

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