Growing Old Gracefully
The first ten verses of Titus chapter 2 contain specific advice for different groups and ages of people – older men, older women, younger women, younger men, even slaves. Each group mentioned in these verses is told something relative to their situation or station in life as a Christian in the first century.
January 9, 2011: Titus 2:1-15, Growing Old Gracefully
Douglas Scalise, Brewster Baptist Church
[print_link]
[powerpress]
“But as for you, teach what is consistent with sound doctrine. 2 Tell the older men to be temperate, serious, prudent, and sound in faith, in love, and in endurance. 3 Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be self-controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, being submissive to their husbands, so that the word of God may not be discredited.
6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be censured; then any opponent will be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us.
9 Tell slaves to be submissive to their masters and to give satisfaction in every respect; they are not to talk back, 10 not to pilfer, but to show complete and perfect fidelity, so that in everything they may be an ornament to the doctrine of God our Savior.”
I’m sure some of you may have noticed that the younger married women have a longer “to do” list than anyone else. The younger men have the shortest list. (Insert your own comment here ). I don’t know if that’s because of diminished expectations or because if young men can learn self-control they are far more likely to stay out of trouble and to keep on the right path and everything else is more likely to fall in line.
In verses 11-13 there is advice for everyone, regardless of where we are in life. The letter at that point uses words like “all, we, us, and our.”
“11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all, 12 training us to renounce impiety and worldly passions, and in the present age to live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope and the manifestation of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. 14 He it is who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity and purify for himself a people of his own who are zealous for good deeds. 15 Declare these things; exhort and reprove with all authority.
Let no one look down on you.”
As I pondered this chapter and its advice for people at different ages of life, it occurred to me that everyone being addressed is getting older – the older men and women, the younger men and women, even the slaves. I thought of people I have known and know today who are older who have clearly aged gracefully, whose faith and spiritual journey is evident on their faces and in their eyes. So I decided I would share with you today about aging gracefully.
A brief bit of research reveals there is more information on this subject than you can believe. The late George Carlin made the following observation about aging: “Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited
about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!”
You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five!
That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. “How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. . . YES!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He turned, so we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.
Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I was JUST 92.” Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!” May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
What do you think are some of the key things we can do to age gracefully?
This passage in Titus gives good advice about aging gracefully when it says, “In the present age to live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly.”
Self-control speaks especially to how we take care of our selves physically, emotionally, and relationally.
“About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.” Gloria Pitzer
Caring for our physical body in terms of good eating habits, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep is crucial to aging gracefully. We all know this to be true. We all also know that practicing the self-control to make those things a reality in our lives is not easy. No matter how well we do these things, we are all engaged in a process of aging that will not be stopped or denied. If you doubt this to be true, go to a nice department store and take a good look at yourself in a three-way mirror. It can be depressing. As Mark Twain observed, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
Self-control is important not just in physical matters but also in emotional ones. It is sad that some people think that yelling or raising their voice in an angry tone is a better way of communicating than having a convincing position or point of view. “To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.” Thomas Bailey Aldrich. Maintaining our perspective and a mature and balanced emotional state in all the inevitable ups and downs and grief and heartache of life is important to becoming graceful rather than a grouch. The importance of maintaining a good sense of humor cannot be overstated as we move through the stages and ages of life. Groucho Marx said, “I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.” Michael Pritchard.
“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” – Jennifer Yane.
Randy Booth, shared the following reflection: “Having just returned from a choir reunion where I saw friends I haven’t seen in nearly 35 years, growing old is on my mind. Everyone looked great but none of us have escaped unscathed. Being in my 50s, I am supposedly at what is called “middle-age.” Making it to 110, however, seems to be a stretch. Young people don’t think about “growing old,” which is understandable since they have yet to experience the reality of declining physical strength and mental capabilities. For them getting older has always meant getting better as they draw closer to the peak of their physical maturity. I go to bed feeling relatively good and wake up feeling like something really bad happened to me while I was asleep. The truth is (in another sense), the older we get, we do either grow better or worse. I have seen it time-after-time: whatever has been packed in while we were young will ooze back out when we’re old. The later years can be the graceful years or the grumpy years. We either get better or we get bitter. Perhaps you’ve thought, “I’ll never be like that when I get old!” But growing old gracefully doesn’t happen by accident.
I’m sure we’ve all known such attractive people. I’ve certainly been blessed to know a number of them in my life, along with the cranky ones. Mature grace is beautiful to behold. Victor Hugo observed: “When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age.” Growing old gracefully, like many good things, doesn’t happen by accident; it takes concentrated effort, so be diligent and persevere!
We are to live lives that are self-controlled and Upright.
Upright addresses our thinking, ethics, morals, and values.
If we want to age gracefully it is important to keep learning, to have new experiences, to keep our brain active and challenged.
What are you reading? What are you learning? How are you continuing to push yourself mentally? Soren Kierkegaard wrote, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” That requires reflection. Living uprightly means using our mind to make smart and wise decisions.
Godly – speaks to our relationship with God and our spiritual habits and practices. Psalm 92:12-15 says, “The righteous flourish like the palm tree,
and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
13 They are planted in the house of the Lord;
they flourish in the courts of our God.
14 In old age they still produce fruit;
they are always green and full of sap,
15 showing that the Lord is upright;
he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.”
Rita Joseph wrote, “It’s curious, as we grow older, how easy it is to lose our sense of direction, a sense of vocation, a sense of God’s calling us to important things still to be done. Vocations are not just for the young starting out in marriage, a career, or religious life. There’s another kind of vocation — a kind of “late vocation” — God’s final call to a strong finish. It is God’s call to each one of us to grow old gracefully — full of grace — to grow toward Him. God calls us to respond heroically, like Saint Paul, pouring ourselves out like a libation until we can say: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). As our bodies grow older and frailer, our souls are to grow stronger and truer. That’s our final vocation — and it’s worth contemplating every day for the rest of our lives, for when all’s said and done, it’s that last call that really counts.”
One last thing I think is important to aging gracefully is having friends or at least regularly interacting with folks who are not our age. Titus addresses people at several ages and stages of life. Fay Vincent wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal on December 22 (From Antietam to Joe Dimaggio) in which he shared how blessed he’s been throughout his life to have friendships with older people. Our elders have stories to tell and experiences to share we can’t imagine. They literally grew up in a different world, a different time and their stories make history come alive. If we’re middle aged or older (You know you’re in this group if you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy), then we can benefit from friendships or sharing in activities with those much younger than ourselves – we can soak in their energy, openness, and ideas. They can benefit from our encouragement and attention. Agatha Christie noted, “Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.”
If we live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly, I believe we can find the blessings of whatever age we are at. Madeleine L’Engle wrote, “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.”
But it is also true that “Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” Jim Fiebig
Finally we should not resent growing old. Many never get to have the experience as humbling and painful as it can sometimes be.
Esther Mary Walker wrote a poem, Blessed In Aging:
“Blessed are they who understand
My faltering step and shaking hand
Blessed, who know my ears today
Must strain to hear the things they say.
Blessed are those who seem to know
My eyes are dim and my mind is slow
Blessed are those who look away
When I spilled tea that weary day.
Blessed are they who, with cheery smile
Stopped to chat for a little while
Blessed are they who know the way
To bring back memories of yesterday.
Blessed are those who never say
“You’ve told that story twice today”
Blessed are they who make it known
That I am loved, respected and not alone.
And blessed are they who will ease the days
Of my journey home, in loving ways.”
17th Century Nun’s Prayer Author: Anonymous
LORD, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.
Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs.
Make me thoughtful but not moody, helpful but not bossy.
With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.
Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and a love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others’ pains, but help me to endure them with patience.
I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessing cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint -some of them are so hard to live with -but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. AMEN.
Blessing: “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
Quotes about Aging
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. — Jerry M. Wright
The time to begin most things is ten years ago.– Mignon McLaughlin
Time wounds all heels. — Dorothy Parker
Age to me means nothing. I can’t get old; I’m working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you’re working, you stay young. When I’m in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age. — George Burns
I was always taught to respect my elders and I’ve now reached the age when I don’t have anybody to respect.– George Burns
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
— Eleanor Roosevelt
I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming… suddenly you find – at the age of 50, say – that a whole new life has opened before you.
— Agatha Christie
Old age is no place for sissies. — Bette Davis
Once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. — Charles M. Schulz