Respect

This morning, we start a new series called, “The Elements of Healthy Relationships”. Every day we are in relationships with people. People we enjoy spending time with like family, friends, and even co-workers and also with people that drive us a little nutty. These people can bring stress into our lives. Some of these people we wished would go bother someone else. This may be a family member or a distant relative that we only have to see a few times a year. Maybe it is a co-worker that just continues to add stress to our already stressful life. Or maybe it’s that friend that just won’t leave you alone.

Anybody have a friend like that?

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April 12, 2015
Respect – An Element of Healthy Relationships
Pastor David Pranga, Brewster Baptist Church

I think if we are honest with ourselves, we all have one person that comes to mind that we need to work on building a better relationship with.   These next 11 weeks, as a church we are going to be looking at 11 key elements to building healthy relationships. This week we are going to be talking about respect.

As I was thinking and praying to God this week about this subject of “Respect”. There were two thoughts that instantly came to mind.

• I won’t sing you the song by Aretha Franklin named…R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  I won’t repeat all the lyrics of the song because you would understand why I am not on the worship team.
• The second person was a comedian named Rodney Dangerfield, with his jokes that start out – “I get no respect”.

In both of those instances each person just wants some respect. They want to be loved.   They want to be cared for. They want to be appreciated. They want people to look at them in a meaningful way.

In many ways we want that same type of love and respect. Deep down inside of us we want to be respected. In relationships with people, I believe we all want to be respected and appreciated.

As a dad of five wonderful kids, I want my kids to respect me. I want them to hear what I have to say and listen without being asked again. As a husband, I want my wife to respect me for the things I do. I want my wife to be proud of me. Just as my wife wants me to love her and respect her for the things she does in our relationship.

The more I prayed and thought about this subject of respect and having healthy relationships with people, the more I realized that “respect” first starts with the way we view God. It begins with our relationship towards God. And how do we see God in our lives?

#1. RESPECT TOWARDS GOD (How do you see God?)

One of the key elements to having healthy relationships is having a healthy respect in the way we see God. The question I want you to think about is: “How do you view God?”

In 2006 this exact question was asked by sociologists at Baylor University.   They conducted this national survey and asked a variety of questions about people’s views of God. There were 70 questions about people’s views on God. What Baylor sociologists came up with were 4 views, “Authoritarian,” “Benevolent,” “Critical,” and “Distant.”

According to the survey, the respondents who view God with an Authoritarian viewpoint (31% – mostly found in the South) see God as an angry God. They view God as throwing His judgment down upon the unfaithful and ungodly. This view point is that God is here to zap you, if you get out of line. Those with this view point think we should fear God for any mistakes we make.

The next response was “Benevolent” (23% – highest in the Midwest) understand God primarily as a God of forgiveness. In this perspective, the Benevolent God offers His people a second, third, fourth and fifth chance. I am from the Midwest and many people view God this way.

The third response was a Critical God (only 16%, but it was the highest among the East Coast), according to respondents, God has His judgmental eye on the world, but remains inactive. The Critical God neither punishes nor comforts people. This group possessed little inclination to attend church or affiliate with religious groups since God does not interact with his people.

The fourth response was the view of God as “Distant” (24% highest in the West) seeing God as a cosmic force of the universe. Here, God, launched the world, but then left the world spinning on its own. God does not interfere with the world or its people. This view point of God stresses inactivity.

All four views possess a kernel of truth about God. God is Authoritarian and Critical in that he will judge and punish people. God is Benevolent as he does forgive people over and over again. Even the Distant view has an element of truth, seeing God as creator. But, while all four views possess a kernel of truth, these views reveal a very limited understanding of God on the part of the respondents. They also miss out on some important views of God

Why is our view of God so important? Why does it matter in building healthy relationships?

Everything about our lives — our attitudes, motives, desires, actions, and even our words — are influenced by our view of God,” Simply put, our view of God directly influences what career we pursue, who we choose to marry or how we raise our children; the big decisions of life.

Our desire to make the right choice is based on who we understand God to be and how he relates to us.

But our view of God also influences everything else — our intentions, actions and opinions.

A.W. Tozer, writing in the early 1960s, acknowledged the pervasive importance of an accurate view of God. “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us,” he wrote in The Knowledge of the Holy.

Because it affects every choice we make and everything we do, he compared a right concept of God to a foundation of a building. “Where it is inadequate” Tozer wrote, “the whole structure must sooner or later collapse with the wrong foundation.”

The Bible tells us in both Psalms and Proverbs we are to “Fear God”.

Psalm 96:4-5

For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.
⁵ For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the Lord made the heavens.

The idea of Fearing God is not that God will zap us when we do something wrong. Fearing God in the context of the scriptures is that God wants us to put him first among everything. God wants us to show respect to Him.

When we think of God as Magnificent and Creator of the universe, we should be in awe of God and what He can do. This is all done in a healthy way. When the Bible talks about “Fearing God”, we are simply showing a reverence to Him. We are saying, “God you are most important”. We are saying, “God, your ways are better than our own.” When we fear God, we begin to believe that God is in control and we are not.

Going back to the first point… We need to have a healthy “respect to God”. We need to see God in the right mindset. I say this because God needs to be our foundation. Everything is built on a healthy foundation. Our respect for God is this foundation. When we have God as our foundation, everything runs smoother.

I’ve noticed in my life when I try to do things by my own spirit or by my own means it often fails or takes longer. When I acknowledge God or invite him into the process, it works better. I cannot explain it but I know it to be true.

If God needs to be our foundation, “How do we show God respect”?

1. We want to honor Him with our daily decisions. We want to keep His commands, not because they are rules. We want to follow these commands because we know they are there to protect us. We follow them because we love Him. Because we believe God’s ways are the best and not our own.

 

1. We show God respect by inviting Him to be part of our lives. One of ways I do this is by reading the bible I believe that God speaks to us today through His words in the bible.

 

1. Another way is by praying to Him. God wants for us to talk with Him and we do this through prayer. We can share with Him struggles and disappointments. I also know when I need to make a decision, God is there to help me.

 

A promising verse that brings this home for me is Psalm 147:11.

“The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”

Well that is the first point, we need to have a healthy respect for God.

#2. RESPECT TOWARDS YOURSELF (How does God see you?)

In order to have healthy relationships, we need to have a healthy view of ourselves. We need to have a good self-image. If we are talking about having healthy relationships these next few weeks, it really begins with us. We have to have a healthy view of ourselves. We need to see that we are valuable.

The reality that I have found with talking with many people and as a pastor, I get to talk to many people, is that many if not most of us struggle with truly loving ourselves. I realize not everyone in this room struggles with this, but the vast majority of people really struggle with their self-worth.

Many of us have bought into the lie that you have to look a certain way, that you need this fashion accessary to make your look beautiful. If you go the grocery store, you will see ads on the cover of magazines that says you can lose 15 lbs in one week of diet and exercise. There are photo shop pictures of people that look beautiful and attractive and we begin to think that is the way beautiful people should look.

Then we check our smartphones, tablets, or electrical devices and get on websites like Facebook where we see pictures, videos, and statuses of happy people. People that are having the times of their lives on vacation, being out with friends, and checking a new restaurant. Everyone is having fun. Everyone is laughing. Everyone is doing great.

Then we begin to think to ourselves, what is wrong with my life? Why is my life boring? Why am I not having fun like the people in the pictures or videos? The reality is we can become depressed by seeing what everyone else is doing.

I fall victim to this at times too. I scroll down my phone and it seems like everyone is having a great time but me. There have been studies on this by major universities and they all say the same thing… The more time you spend on Facebook or other social media sites like this one, the more depressed you will become.

I told you some of the bad news about the way we often see ourselves. Now let me tell you some good news…..

God does not see you in that way. God does not see you like you see yourself.

So, How does God see us?  

…..God has seen us before we were born. God had a plan for your life….

Ephesians 1:4

“ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight”

God has perfectly made each person the way He wanted to. To God you were created with great care and love. God goes further….

When God sees us…. God sees our heart. God sees the real us, the inside, the part that really matters to him.

 

1 Samuel 14:7-8

The Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

In today’s world with looks being everything according to every news media outlet…. isn’t it refreshing to know that our God sees us for who we really are and not what we look like by our outside appearance. God looks past our outer surface and he can see our true heart. (PAUSE)

But God does not stop there. The scriptures tell us more about His love for each person.

John 1:12

“Yet to all who did receive him (Jesus), to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”

What is cool in this verse is that God, the Creator of the universe has chosen YOU. God wants a relationship with you. If we have taken Jesus Christ as our Savior, we belong to God. I am a child of God. Everyone here, who has received Jesus Christ and believes in Him, is a child of God. We are even an heir to His kingdom up in heaven.

That is so powerful! It is more powerful than you or I realize. In fact, we won’t understand the magnitude of that decision until we are in heaven with Him. That is how powerful those verses really are.

In spite of the good things about God, there are times in everyones life, where we feel alone. There will be times when life will not make sense. This is not a surprise to God. God does not want us to ever feel alone or scared.

Hebrews 13:5

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”

These verses give me hope when things are going bad. When hard times hit and I am feeling alone. I can go back to the bible to help me realize that God is right there beside me.

Let me give you one more verse; something positive in the way God sees you and about your future…

Jeremiah 29:11-12

 ^“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

There are so many great verses in the Bible to uplift my spirit. Whenever I am feeling sad, depressed, miserable, or dejected, I can read scripture verses that remind me how much God loves me. These are facts that God has given us to help us remember the characteristics of God.

 

To recap: Elements of Healthy Relationships begins with Respect.

1. We need to have Respect towards God….(How we look at God)
2. We need to have Respect for ourselves… (Remember how God see us.)

Which leads us to the third point. All great sermons I have been told have three points according to my seminary professor….

#3. RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE (Do you see other people through God’s eyes?)

How do we show proper respect or honor to other people? Would not life be a lot easier if everyone thought just like me? I can tell you for one, my life would be a lot easier. I would understand my wife and my kids a lot better. They would understand me and the way I think. We would not experience any miscommunications.

Just because I said something that could have gone either way (good or bad), the person I was speaking to would clearly understand that I had their best thought in my mind. The world would be a better place. I could get along with everyone better.

Yet, God in his infinite wisdom has not made every person like me. Which you guys are grateful. My wife is grateful. My kids are grateful.

God has made each of us differently. We all have different personalities, temperaments, and abilities. We have different morals and things we value.

This can create tension, confusion, and weirdness. In fact, there are people on this earth that just drive me nutty. I just don’t understand their thinking or where they are going. And I’m guessing, there are people here on this earth or even in this congregation, that may think that I am weird and really don’t understand my thinking.

Yet the Bible says in 1 Peter 2:17… that we are to “Show proper respect to everyone”

How do we show proper respect to everyone?

Respect is simply…

Each person is valued for who they are and what they bring to the relationship. Treat each person as if he or she is of value.

We all wanted to be respected, we all want to be appreciated, and we all want to have value in life.

I really think showing proper respect begins with seeing each person through the eyes of God. When we begin to see people that we come into contact with like God sees them, our demeanor changes. We begin to exhibit more patience, kindness, mercy, and respect. We are looking for ways for the relationship to work out.

I know by my own power, I may not have the energy or patience for this relationship to work out. There are times, where I need to ask God in prayer for Him to give me the patience I need when dealing with certain people that may drive me nuts. I may need to surround that person with more love, care, and attention.

The apostle Paul says in 1 Thess. 5:11

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”

We as a church really need to learn to love and respect each other. The church is already made up of people who are broken. People who need Jesus. People that already realize they cannot do it on their own. They need help.

What Paul is encouraging the church to do is to love one another and build each other up.

It is hard work to show love and respect towards people that may be different than yourself. But that is what Jesus Christ wants us to do, to show both love and respect towards people that are different than ourselves.

The way of the world is so very different than God’s way. The way of the world is cut throat. People gossip and spread rumors to make themselves look better. People will go out of their way to make somebody look bad. I could go on and on how people continually hurt other people to get ahead.

In the church… we need to be people striving towards love, honor, and respect. We need to be a church that accepts people that are seeking God and encouraging them in their walk with the Lord. We need to be a group of people that shows Christ’s love in a way that goes beyond what is normal. When people see this people of BBC, they will know that this is an unusual group of people. This group of people is accepting, caring, loving, honoring, and respectful. We may not agree about everything but we show love and appreciation towards everybody that comes into these doors on Sunday morning.

One of the ministries here at Brewster Baptist Church that is making a difference is our Caring Ministry.

This is a ministry to people that cannot get to church. Some of these people are house bound, living in assistant living situations, or even the hospital. This video will share about how people in our church are caring for the elderly here at BBC.

I am really excited about what is going on in this ministry and how people in the congregation are making a difference….

Show Video……

I am so happy for this ministry. I can tell you that there is no way one pastor could have made all those visits and phone calls. But with a team of people, who has a love of Jesus Christ, showing an unconditional amount of love and respect to people that are in need, it is possible.

I just want to say, this is just one ministry. Here at BBC, we have many ministries that are having huge impacts and touching lives every day.

• Faith Nutrition Mission – Once a month we have a group that feeds the homeless in Hyannis
• We have a deacon fund – that helps people inside and outside the church meet some basic needs they may be having

Here is our challenge today… For some of us, (1) it may be that we have never considered putting God first in our life. Our life has been rocky at times but we never could figure out why. It has been rocky because God was not the foundation. For those of you that need Jesus as their foundation, I ask that you ask him into your heart. If you do that, please tell me or another leader in the church, we would love to pray for you.

(2) For others this morning, you need to be told that you are valuable to God. You have been told by society and social media that you are not important. You have been filled with lies about your importance. I want you to know that God truly loves you. God sees great things in you! He has a great purpose for your life. God truly loves you.

(3) To this last group of people, God may be bringing a person to your mind that you need to begin to show unconditional love and respect to. You know you cannot do it on your own strength but need to ask God for help. Right now, let God know that person you are struggling with. Maybe it is a family member, maybe a co-worker, maybe it is a neighbor. I ask you right now; speak to God to give you patience for that person, for an extra amount of love for that person. Just lift that person to God right now.