Faithful Love
In Faithful Love, Pastor Doug Scalise reflects on Matthew 1:18–25 and the often-overlooked faithfulness of Joseph in the Christmas story. Faced with unexpected disappointment, Joseph responds not with fear or control, but with mercy, obedience, and trusting love when God reveals a greater plan. This sermon reminds us that God is present even when life does not unfold as we hoped, and that faithful love often requires courage and trust in uncertain moments. At Christmas, we are invited to believe that Jesus—Immanuel, God with us—meets us with grace, forgiveness, and hope in every season of life.
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Faithful Love
Christmas is just four days away. We’re not surprised by the timing of Christmas – it tends to arrive at about the same time every year. Since we know when Christmas is coming, at some point, we begin cleaning, sending cards, making or buying gifts, baking cookies, and confessing our sins as John the Baptist suggests. When we expect something, eventually, we start preparing for it.
For example, if you’re a student, and you have a final exam on Friday, you begin studying by Monday, right? If you have a big project at work, you break it up into an action plan, or into smaller pieces, that makes the huge job seem less intimidating. Or maybe you don’t. Some of us may have trouble getting ready, even for events or deadlines we know are coming.
And it’s much easier to plan for and prepare for events we expect – such as Christmas, a test, or a project – than it is to deal with disappointments or heartaches that come suddenly and unexpectedly – like a car accident, a lay-off, an illness, or the death of a loved one. Our dreams for the future can be forever altered when unexpected disappointment invades our lives.
Today’s Gospel reading is about how a man named Joseph deals with an unexpected disappointment – in his case, learning his fiancée is pregnant. It’s about how he responds to an unexpected change in his and Mary’s lives, and their futures. Depending on our circumstances, the Christmas season can be a time of celebration, joy, laughter, and fun, or a poignant emotional time of grief, heartache, loneliness, or disappointment.
Sometimes, it feels like a mixture of both. Amid the unexpected changes and heartaches in our own lives, the story of Jesus’ birth reminds us that God is with us, no matter what. Listen to Matthew 1:18-25.
“Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband, Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to dismiss her quietly. But just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph, Son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus for he will save his people from their sins.’ All this took place to fulfill what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet: ‘Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,’ which means, ‘God is with us.’ When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him; he took her as his wife, but had no marital relations with her until she had borne him a son; and he named him Jesus.”
In this passage from Matthew 1, Joseph planned to break his engagement to Mary, who was to be his wife. His dreams of a happy marriage and family had been dashed by Mary’s incredible news that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit. How is a guy supposed to respond to news like that? How could he be expected to believe that story?
It would be great to have some of Joseph’s words in response to this experience, but we don’t have any; not even one, which is too bad. I can imagine Joseph lying in bed unable to sleep, tossing about, wrestling with what to do. One moment angry, another embarrassed, then bitter, hurt, disappointed. We can feel the emotions and imagine the thoughts that made it agonizing for him to decide what to do.
Rather than publicly expose Mary to ridicule, disgrace, or worse, for what he thought was her infidelity, he decides to quietly end their engagement. He will pick up the pieces of his broken heart and start over with someone else. When he finally falls asleep, long after the clock has passed midnight, an angel of the Lord appears to him in a dream and speaks to him reassuringly, that he should go ahead and take Mary as his wife.
One author has described dreams as, “God’s forgotten language.” Numerous times in the Bible, God communicates to people through dreams; that’s also been my experience, and that of numerous other people as well.
God’s dream for Joseph’s and Mary’s lives was quite different than what they had talked about, planned, or imagined. Often that’s the case in our lives.
Our dreams don’t always turn out the way we hope. Sometimes, it’s because of sin, human failure, or weakness. Sometimes, there’s simply no answer. Sometimes, God has something else planned for us that we haven’t planned, thought of, or imagined.
Mary’s and Joseph’s lives didn’t turn out the way they initially hoped or expected, but both were sustained by their faithful love, as they embraced a future they never saw coming. In relationships within families, friendships, work, or church, we’re sometimes hurt, disappointed, and confused, as Joseph surely was when Mary announced her pregnancy.
Like Joseph and Mary, our plans can change suddenly and dramatically. Life doesn’t always go the way we envisioned it would. Yet, in Joseph’s life, there was a larger purpose at work that superseded his idea of what his marriage and family would be like. God was prepared to bring something good out of a situation that initially seemed terribly disappointing to him.
In our lives, God also can bring good out of painful situations, and while this doesn’t always lessen our heartache, it may help us to go forward – perhaps with greater compassion, mercy, and love.
This Christmas, perhaps some of us find ourselves, like Joseph, with hopes that haven’t been fulfilled; life hasn’t turned out the way we planned, or hoped. The decision we face, when this happens, is how we will choose to respond when our plans are frustrated. Consider how Joseph responded.
We all handle depressing, unexpected news in our own ways. Some of us go to bed and try to sleep away our problems because we don’t want to face them. Other folks strike out, angrily, at other people. Other people engage in unhealthy or unhelpful behavior, like using alcohol, drugs, or pornography.
However, there’s a better option available to us. We can turn to God for help and guidance. Since Joseph was a godly man, I trust he prayed about his disappointment and how he should respond. Matthew says that Joseph went to sleep, having made up his mind to dismiss Mary quietly, without exposing her to public disgrace. He had his plan.
However, as many of the Psalms teach us, when we’re lying in our bed at night, often, God will instruct us – and Joseph hears from an angel, who reveals God’s plan for his and Mary’s future.
God had a purpose for Joseph and Mary, and a plan for the world. It was a plan that included the birth of a baby, who came to teach us about God’s unconditional, faithful love. Christmas reminds us that Jesus has come so that we can be saved from our failures and mistakes; because Jesus was born, we’re never truly alone – God is with us. The angel told Joseph,
“You are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:20b-21).
Joseph awakes from sleep, a new man. What a startling and comforting announcement! His disappointment is replaced with reassurance. Mary was telling the truth. God is not always silent in our unexpected disappointments. Verse 24 says something important –
“When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him.”
When Joseph wakes from sleep, he does what the angel of the Lord commanded him to do. God’s plan of salvation hinges on Joseph’s obedience and faithful love during his unexpected disappointment.
Mary gets far more publicity and attention than Joseph does, perhaps deservedly so. We never hear about Joseph after Jesus’ childhood, and it’s likely that he died before Jesus began his ministry. Mary, on the other hand, is present at Jesus’ death on the cross, and is praying with the first believers when the Holy Spirit comes upon the early church, in Acts 1. I suspect her memories and experiences are reflected in Luke’s Gospel.
I can tell you, from our travels and seeing hundreds of paintings and sculptures in churches and museums, that Joseph is only seen occasionally. Mary is the one portrayed in great works of art for centuries to come, and who appears on the cover of magazines – but in Matthew’s gospel, Joseph is the one who has a fateful decision to make.
Joseph can doubt what Mary said, and ruin her life. Or he can believe what she and the angel have said, and stand by her, in faithful love. Three times, in Matthew’s account of Jesus’ birth and infancy, Joseph is visited by an angel, who tells him to do something. Three times, Joseph gets up and does exactly what he’s been told to do.
We never hear Joseph say a word. His actions speak louder than words. When God’s messenger tells him what to do, he’s not portrayed as doubting, questioning, fearful, angry, bargaining, or controlling – he acts.
God’s story of salvation hinges on Joseph’s faithful love and obedience, amid his unexpected disappointment. Joseph is a man of action, and he does what needs to be done. We can all benefit from learning from his example.
When, like Joseph and Mary, we’re faced with unexpected or untimely disappointments in life, how will we respond? Our tendency may be to try and come up with a plan of our own, but it’s wiser if we can add to our own thoughts by seeking God in prayer, searching the scriptures, and asking for the wise counsel of spiritually mature friends to help us discern what to do or what our next step should be.
For us, like Joseph, God’s plan could involve a message that comes from outside ourselves, from a friend, the Bible, or a messenger of God. The plans we produce on our own usually make sense to us because, well, we thought of them. God’s plan for us often involves the unexpected, the surprising – we may not like the timing, the odds, or the size of the challenge.
God’s plan may stretch us and require obedience and faithful love. I’m not saying we don’t use our minds, but, like Joseph and Mary, it’s important for us to listen to and obey what God asks us to do – even if that may at times seem unexpected, or surprising, or not what we would have chosen for ourselves.
If we trust God and follow Jesus, we don’t just listen to angels, scriptures, or sermons, we do what God commands. Jesus didn’t say, “If you love me, celebrate my birth.” He said (John 14:15),
“If you love me, keep my commands.”
Mary and Joseph believed God, and believed that God could be trusted. Those are choices we all must make, and they set the direction of our life. Do you believe God? Do you believe God can be trusted?
Finally, this passage reveals what Jesus’ name means. Joseph and Mary are to name the baby “Jesus” because he will save us from our sins. God sent Jesus, in part, because God knows that there will be times when we ignore God’s instructions for our life and our relationships because we don’t want to hear it.
There will be moments when we fail to respond obediently, in faithful love, because what God is telling us isn’t what we want to hear. There will be seasons in our life when we’re overwhelmed by unexpected disappointment, and so we question God, and fail to trust. There are times we may get so distracted, busy, or self-focused, that angels could be singing “Go Tell it on the Mountain” in our living room, and we wouldn’t notice.
Yet, if we ask God for forgiveness, if we’re willing to embrace the new beginning we’re reminded of each Christmas, Jesus will save us from our sins. He will be Immanuel, God with us, in all the seasons of our life – in the joys and celebrations, as well as in the grief and disappointments.
Joseph lives in obedience to a principle that is central to Matthew’s presentation of Jesus (Matthew 9:13),
“Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners.”
Joseph acted mercifully to Mary. Do we act mercifully to others when they disappoint us? The expectations and hopes Joseph initially had for his life wouldn’t be fulfilled. God had other plans. However, Joseph and Mary had the satisfaction of knowing that, in the unexpected events of life – even in our disappointments – God may do something incredibly significant with us, through us, and in us. God may use us to bless other people.
I know there are people struggling today, for a host of reasons. I pray the example of Joseph’s faithful love will inspire you and give you hope. Jesus is a gift offered to all, and he can help us, but we must decide if we will accept the gift.
Remember, the message of Christmas is about how, in the gift of Jesus, God offers all of us new life, new beginnings, and hope, amidst our disappointment, heartache, and grief.
- You are loved unconditionally.
- Your sins can be forgiven.
- You are not alone.
- Don’t give up.
- Keep the faith.
- Keep on believing.
- Hold on to essential hope.
- Be a peacemaker and a reconciler.
- Don’t let anyone steal your joy.
- Be known for your faithful love.
Henri Nouwen said,
“This is the great conversion in our life: to recognize and believe that the many unexpected events are not just disturbing interruptions of our projects, but the way in which God molds our hearts and prepares us for his return.”
Prayer by Thomas Merton:
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
– Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude.
Questions for Reflection or Discussion
- If you were in Joseph’s sandals, how do you think you would have responded to Mary’s news regarding her pregnancy?
- Have you ever had an experience when someone asked you to believe something that seemed “hard to believe”? How did you respond?
- What does Joseph’s initial response tell us about his character (see Matthew 1:19)?
- After the angel of the Lord appears to him in a dream, what do Joseph’s actions reveal about his faith and love?
- Joseph’s story, like so many Christmas stories, deals with the theme of plans and hopes that don’t work out the way an individual wants, and yet, something redemptive, and even transformational, occurs. Have you ever had that experience? What happened?
- Joseph and Mary believed in God and believed that God could be trusted. Do you believe in God, and do you believe God can be trusted? What difference does it make?
- What does the meaning of Jesus’ name teach us about his identity – about who he is and what he does for us?